This is a continuation of my previous blog – Not A Theologian. To say “finding my voice” has been difficult falls in the category of understatement. My voice mixes with so many things and ideas now that I look for moments and words I know are mine. God and I do not talk in words most of the time. I would say it is more a flow of emotion between us. There also exists a level of trust. God does not tell me what to do. I make my own choices. I am stubborn and independent to the surprise of many around me I think. I am quiet and private about my faith and that can be misunderstood. I believe in “live and let live” to a point. That point (or line) comes when someone takes away the right of others to do the same – especially when that crossing point negatively effects children.
After talking to Fr. Al on July 14 of this year (at his request), as I said he wanted me to pray formally for 5 minutes a day, I do not think this exercise had the hope for effect. He gave me a copy of Catechism of the Catholic Church, Second Edition. He wanted me to go through Part Four, Christian Prayer which goes through the Our Father line by line. That was alright until we reached the last line “but deliver us from evil” and the Church theologian brought in Revelation 12:17 about the “woman and dragon.” Have issues with the Book of Revelation and this prayer has been the one I have held on to over the years. Now it too makes me think of things that have been very difficult to sort out and have left residue in my writing and my thoughts. One day I hope to be able to explain this all more clearly.
So – I decided to write my own version of the Our Father. It, I hope, reflects what I once felt when reciting the prayer. It makes me cry when I say to myself – I guess that means it does. I felt a need to share it – this is my voice, enjoy:
Our Father
(in my heart)
by sidonamarie
Our Father,
ever-present –
with us everywhere
and in my heart –
praised be your name;
may your kingdom always be,
may your light to us be approachable,
may your will be our own,
on this earth and in heaven.
give us today all we need,
and forgive us
our shortsightedness,
our cruelty,
our judgements of others, and
our falling into a spirit of inhumanity
as we forgive others
theirs toward us;
and deliver us from
the evil that is our own arrogance.
For Yours, Father, is
the kingdom of the spirit,
the power of generous kindness,
and the praises sung
in the silence of the heart
in this moment and forever. amen.
My poetry has been my therapy over the years. In 1993, an unusual traumatic event occurred with me. Poetry over the years has been my sorting out process. I have always had a strong spiritual nature balanced by strong doubt. During period of tremendous confusion, my poetry (sometimes more like stories my son thinks) helped me remember who I am, how I feel, and what I think and always have from a child. The theme I hope comes through is that we should not have our heads too far into the clouds or too deeply into the dirt. Life lives as balance somewhere in the middle with little visits to both edges. All 56 years of my life I have lived in Michigan. I was born in Kalamazoo September 16, 1958. My parents separated when I was young do to my mother’s mental illness. Dad died in 1965 at 29 from a cerebral hemorrhage. I was 6 when he passed. Grandma Peggy (my dad’s mother) went to court 7 times in a year and a half to fight for my younger sister (Kim who was mentally impaired) and me, because my dad had asked her too. She won custody of us. So, I lived with her in Bangor, Michigan through high school and college. I didn’t begin to write poetry until I went to live with my aunt (my mother’s sister) in Wartervliet, Michigan while attending Lake Michigan College in Benton Harbor. My aunt lived near my mother and her mother (my Grandma Elsie). After 2 years there, I attended Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo. I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts major in English and minor in Elementary Education. Right out of college fall of 1984 I was hired at St. Mary’s in Paw Paw, Michigan as a kindergarten teacher. I taught kindergarten for 1 year half days and was moved into a full-time first grade position for three years. I met my husband Gary during that time. On October 17, 1987, we married and I moved to Fennville, Michigan where I still live. Gary and I have a son age 24 and a daughter age 19.
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