There are a few good memories about mom. When I could drive, I took my sister and we would go see Grandma Elsie and her.  Mom would be in the kitchen of the old farmhouse smoking, drinking ice coffee, and listening to her radio. If she took her medication, she could be okay. Problem was that she at times did not feel she needed it. During those times she usually ended up in the hospital for awhile.

Mom played saxophone in the high school band. So, every once in a while she would surprise us and play. If she knew we were coming, she would practice a song or two on her alto sax. She also had this child electric organ. It was plastic. She had music books that went with it and sometimes she would play. Never both in the same visit. My daughter can play piano and is an amazing classical saxophonist (playing soprano, alto, and tenor) and a music performance and education double major. This makes me wonder what Mom could have done if she did not have schizophrenia to deal with.

Goulash was Mom’s one dish. The mood to cook for us would hit her once in awhile too. She showed me how it was made. Grandma’s canned tomatoes, hamburger, elbow macaroni, and American cheese melted in. Mom cooked it all on top of the shove. I still make it. It is one of my son’s favorite dishes.

I remember her drinking beer when I was about four or five. I did not see this as a good thing at the time when she did it. She thought it to be funny. She had a can of beer and asked me if I wanted a taste. I said yes. The most horrible thing I ever tasted. I still do not like beer. Thank you Mom.

The other thing she did had to do with her schizophrenia. She could watch TV. She could listen to radio. Mom said when she watched TV she thought they were talking to her. I never saw her watch TV. She was diligent with that. This helped me from roughly 1993-1997. However, my problem was music mostly. I quit listening to it. I could listen to country a bit and Christian at that time. I could not listen to rock and roll and pop music. As far as TV, if I picked the station it was a comedy. I could not watch anything serious or violent. Mom did not know it but she gave me some skills to use when I needed to. I was slowly able to get back to my normal music and TV. I did take medication for a few years to numb the heightened emotions I was experiencing. That was temporary and it has been about fifteen years since I have taken that type of medication. My issue was different that Mom’s and had more to do with traumas being opened up by a current experience at the time.

Mom died in 2004. I buried her by my dad. It was the only thing she ever asked of me. She wanted to be buried by him. She, with the influence of her family, had filed for divorce before dad died. No one ever told it had went through. The last nursing home she was in her caseworker found the information and told her. She did not care and wanted to be buried by him. I knew the man my dad was, and he would be fine with it.

GEDSC DIGITAL CAMERA