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By the Pond
08 Aug

Not A Theologian

sidonamarie Blog 0 0

By the Pond

 

 

 

 

Sometimes I just need to get things and ideas out. This is one of those times.

I find no good purpose to the use of the words “evil” and “devil” when referring to people, groups, cultures, or religions. Leaders and people in power should not use them. Yes there are atrocities committed every day by individuals and groups. There are unbalanced people that do unspeakable acts. There are radicals like ISIS that have indoctrinated their followers into a holy war. But – where has demonizing gotten us. It divides into us and them. It makes one side righteous and the other base, sinful, and not human anymore. It causes holy wars on local and world scales. I avoid putting those labels on anyone. For me to use them somehow makes me no different than those that might be labeling me that way. My using of those terms somehow make me feel unclean. I lose my humanity with those words to become what I hate and then claim to better. It is called arrogance to think your are more righteous. I fight every day to keep mine in its place.

On July 14 of last month, I tried meeting with one more Catholic priest. I have tried this twice before with Fr. Flynn in May of 1993 and Fr. Heyman I believe sometime in 1995 or 1996. The current priest is much younger and a hard read. Also, he requested to meet with me. I had communicated with him by letters for about a year and a half  over past issues and the current ones in this parish. He gave me an assignment. He wanted me to pray formally for 5 minutes a day. He gave me a copy of Catechism of the Catholic Church, Second Edition. I have slowly went through the section on prayer at the end as directed. The only prayer it thoroughly goes through is the Our Father. That looked great – that is the only formal prayer I do say. I find the Catechism wordy and cumbersome. This edition is “simpler”  than the first edition. I feel the Our Father to be more of a take it at “face-value” prayer, but I am not a theologian (thankfully).

Part Four, Christian Prayer was all well and good. Good until they brought in Revelation 12:17 which refers to the woman and the dragon. The read was on the last line of the Our Father “but deliver us from evil.” This is a sensitive place for me. This idea from Revelation has woven itself (along with others) into my poetry since 1993 and beyond. I do not think most people reading my poetry can see most of it without me pointing it out. I was not raised on these images and ideas. Gramma Peggy was not a Bible reader, nor did she quote scripture. I read the a majority of the Bible when I became a young adult on my own. I call the poetry that is shadowed with these imagines and ideas “poetic fiction.” They were not in my poetry before 1993, but they have infested it now. Sometimes I consciously use the images and sometimes I do not see it until later.

The passage referenced drew me to Revelation. Something I avoided for years. Since 1993, I have been uncomfortable when it is used during the Easter Season for readings at Mass. However, I skimmed the last few chapters again. It brought up old mental wounds and unsettled me. I now clearly saw how deeply it has woven into my subconscious and my poetry – and not by my choice. So I did what I always do with Revelation. I focused on Chapter 22 and only a couple passages.  I used two Bibles and thought about the different wording:

 

The New Jerusalem Bible

Revelation 22:10-11

This, too, he said to me, ‘Do not keep the prophecies in this book a secret, because the Time is close. Meanwhile let the sinner continue sinning, and the unclean continue to be unclean; let the upright continue in his uprightness, and those who are holy continue to be holy.

Revised Standard Version, Second Catholic Edition

Revelation 22:10-11

And he said to me, “Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of the is book, for the time is near. Let the evildoer still do evil, and the filthy still be filthy, and the righteous still do right, and the holy still be holy.”

 

The first is the Bible I prefer. The second comes from the Bible the priest I recently spoke to gave me. He thought I might not have a proper translation. I always considered this directions for the Book of Revelation. I think of this book as poetry that we should not try to predict in any way. When I read the words “do not seal up,” I saw poetry. I saw that we should not confine it and hold it prisoner to our ideas. This is the mind of God at work and we cannot know his vision’s meaning. We can read it but we cannot label it or define it or put it in our chains with us. The verses continue with we should just keep doing good works – be kind, hold out a hand, and judge no one. We do not know hearts. That is where I focus. Faith is this simple. Look past all the dark words and to find the heart of what is said.

Besides – I have always loved dragons. The one in my poetry is my friend even though he is angry and sad. I like to think of us as Puff and Pandora.  I have a poem in a future book with that title. Even poetry can reflect fictional stories and this is one of my favorites.

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About the Author

Written by sidonamarie

My poetry has been my therapy over the years. In 1993, an unusual traumatic event occurred with me. Poetry over the years has been my sorting out process. I have always had a strong spiritual nature balanced by strong doubt. During period of tremendous confusion, my poetry (sometimes more like stories my son thinks) helped me remember who I am, how I feel, and what I think and always have from a child. The theme I hope comes through is that we should not have our heads too far into the clouds or too deeply into the dirt. Life lives as balance somewhere in the middle with little visits to both edges. All 56 years of my life I have lived in Michigan. I was born in Kalamazoo September 16, 1958. My parents separated when I was young do to my mother’s mental illness. Dad died in 1965 at 29 from a cerebral hemorrhage. I was 6 when he passed. Grandma Peggy (my dad’s mother) went to court 7 times in a year and a half to fight for my younger sister (Kim who was mentally impaired) and me, because my dad had asked her too. She won custody of us. So, I lived with her in Bangor, Michigan through high school and college. I didn’t begin to write poetry until I went to live with my aunt (my mother’s sister) in Wartervliet, Michigan while attending Lake Michigan College in Benton Harbor. My aunt lived near my mother and her mother (my Grandma Elsie). After 2 years there, I attended Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo. I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts major in English and minor in Elementary Education. Right out of college fall of 1984 I was hired at St. Mary’s in Paw Paw, Michigan as a kindergarten teacher. I taught kindergarten for 1 year half days and was moved into a full-time first grade position for three years. I met my husband Gary during that time. On October 17, 1987, we married and I moved to Fennville, Michigan where I still live. Gary and I have a son age 24 and a daughter age 19.


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